I saw your face in a movie last night. At 30, you'll look just like the main actress. I'm pained by memories a stranger can provoke. Did I say too much? After all these years, I am learning that missing you is very tiring.
My days are more ordinary and quiet than you imagine. I've devoted myself wholly to the pursuit of knowledge. I will not tell you that I am entirely happy where I am. There are days where I can sleep forever. More on this later. But I am fine and I get by with small joys. Remember the things that bothered me? My heart is still sensitive to them. I am still affected by the impossibility of adaptation. As you know, I was home for the summer. I realize that I labeled my experience with unfitting words over the phone.
Summer here is winter there, as you also know. My dad worked through most of my stay, and invented excuses to be away with his secret girlfriend whenever she felt neglected. I spent time with my brother and his new family too. At some point, I came to wish they were my parents. My brother says this desire is very depressing, but I don't care because I am full of ambitions. One night, as you know, I met a girl who did nice things to my mind. Despite how I felt at the time, it would prove to be another temporary fascination. International loves are not any different.
Next year, I hope to speak with a little more enthusiasm. I am transfering schools and I'm going to be doing what is meant for me, which means moving to Paris after the completion of my major. You should know that I am exactly where I need to be. I have difficulty believing this from time to time, as I am sure you remember my unhealthy kinship with pessimism( and nihilism too, I won't get into this right now) On friday, I went to UCLA to see a cuban singer with my mom. She's back from seeing my sister in the east coast. It's so good to have her around. More than good, I have the most important person in my life beside me. I guess you could say we're sort of stuck together, in the plausible sense.
When I said I could sleep forever, I meant it. There are days when mental exhaustion manifests itself physically. Other days, I'm inescapably moody. And then there are those days when I am in love with everyone and everything, including insects.
Still, I can’t deny that I’ve felt alone for a very long time. I don’t know if I am waiting for someone or what. But I know that I have come to accept my solitary life. In essence, I have always known that life is solitary. You know, people rush from one place to the next, curse at traffic and all that. Yet, every night, we are alone with our thoughts.
I hope you have learned from all the pretty girls who have disappointed you. I never liked that you pushed our friendship to the margins every time you met someone you wanted; your repetitive history caused immunity.
I hope you've been fine overall.
