Little doubt exists in my mind about which country I prefer. The reality is that here I am less complete and less complete. There, I have the energy to believe that an interrupted path does not mean an unhappy destiny. When the time to fly to this country is approaching, that is, when I accept with cold mendacity that inevitable happenings gave birth to this little understood life, I close my eyes to pretend the darkness I see is the same darkness as the inside of a simulation game. Departures are ugly.
Here, I don’t see friends very much. We used to go out a lot when we didn’t have any other responsibilities. Some still don’t have responsibilities. When I say friends, I think of 2 immediate people. The rest emerge from the recent or distant past every once in a while. The person I’m closest to is my sister, and my mom when we are not arguing about stupidities. I don’t have inhibitions in what I tell her. The same is with my brother.
Four years ago, he was the first person to find out about me, “unintentionally”. And well, I told my sister thereafter. She said “you’re kidding right” My dad knows too. My mom told him because she wanted to share the parental misery. I don’t really know any other reasons. They hate each other. Actually, a friend of my dads said they don't hate each other because the love isn’t there. So I guess they just deplore the sight and sounds of each other. I’ve asked my mom why they can’t behave with some normality when we’re in the same room together and she said Latin American couples don’t usually stay friends after divorce. The whole thing can be comical when I’m in the mood for laughter.
Lately, we've been getting along so well that I'm already anticipating our next argument. I stay at home most week nights and weekends unlike those nights in Hollywood where heavy drinking presented actions as separate from consequence. Exposing my brain to non-infant behavior has really advanced the flow of neural blood and awarded neurotransmitters routes to paradise. I'm more accepting of my understanding of brain activity these days. I used to think that I was capable of discerning between the really stupid and semi-stupid.
