I don't generally hate life, but there are times where I am totally convinced that I am best locked up in a monastery. Maybe it's something I should consider with seriousness. Whatever. I'm not even asking for the world to be suspended or for time to stop, I don't have a problem with the present. But, there are times when I absurdly wish to cease existing. I don't mean suicide because I love myself too much, rather, I would like sleep for an indefinite duration. Long enough for this state to pass me by without much scandal. I mean, I think people are since birth condemned to a web of endless misery. At birth, we don't even want to leave the womb's peaceful existence. We are removed by force. I would have liked a polite request. For fucks sake. I am thankful to have a brain that works and a healthy physiology. Sure, I am thankful. But, what happens when those things are overshadowed by the might of my demons? Demons, unresolved, vile burdens. I don't think that grief is ever really put behind. Or is it that all geminis are naturally inclined to carrying shit in the trajectory of life? Absurd. I think it will take me many lifetimes to overcome grief. Even after I conclude that a beautiful future will replace the vicissitudes of past years, a cold feeling visits me. I admit, these visits are less frequent. For fucks sake. I have indeed made progress. But I'm being ridiculous, again, make it stop. I've no real love to offer nor assurance of personal authenticity since I have begun to hide deep inside for fear of letting myself escape. Ridiculous.
